Decode what you actually want to feel in bed.
DISCOVER YOUR turn-ons, fantasies, and preferences— so you can stop guessing, ask for what you want, and feel TRULY UNDERSTOOD. WHICH ARE YOU?
Desire Codes began with a 9-month study by Nonfiction Research. We interviewed Americans from all walks of life, experts in the field of human sexuality, and quantified our findings with a nationally representative survey.
This research is what produced the 31 Desire Codes, but along the way we learned some interesting things about sexuality today...
1. Most people aren’t SEEING EYE TO EYE AS LOVERS — AND wonder why IT feels "off".
Sex can take people to wildly different places. When partners want different things, mismatch can feel confusing—even when everything else is “good.”
have felt “not on the same page” with their partner about what interested them sexually.
felt this way with a partner they were in a committed relationship with.
felt this about a partner they are currently committed to.
“I never learned how to talk about or express my sexual desires. I still have a lot of pent-up desires and fears that makes sexual expression quite challenging even though I’m 40.”
— Interviewee, to us
“The last person I was with did not understand the assignment. It was very disappointing. I don’t like adding to my bodycount, but that’s just where we are. ”
— Interviewee, to us
2. AMERICANS WANT TO BE BETTER LOVERS, BUT Are LEARNing more FROM the INTERNET THAn REAL PARTNERS
This overreliance on internet advice — and more specifically porn — for education on sex, desire, and pleasure is undoubtedly skewing our perceptions of each other and curbing our ability to learn and communicate with our IRL partners.
have done something to become better partners.
have never directly asked a current or former partner what they liked.
have used the internet and more specifically, pornography, to figure out what they like.
“I never learned how to talk about or express my sexual desires. I still have a lot of pent-up desires and fears that makes sexual expression quite challenging even though I’m 40.”
— Interviewee, to us
“The last person I was with did not understand the assignment. It was very disappointing. I don’t like adding to my bodycount, but that’s just where we are. ”
— Interviewee, to us
3. Americans want Sex to take them to Many Different places, PLACES THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW.
Sex. Three letters that hide millions of different experiences. We each come to sex with our own stories, cultural expectations, histories, fears, and desires. For some, sex is the deepest expression of love; for others it’s a game of tennis. For some it’s a stress release valve, and still others are chasing god.
told us they typically want to experience deep love and connection in a sexual experience.
seek to feel desirable in a sexual experience.
told us they typically want to connect to all their senses and body in a sexual experience.
31 Desire Codes,
7 neighborhoods,
2 TO TANGO.
Each Desire Code is organized around a deeper feeling Americans are seeking during intimacy.
Love & Connection
You primarily want to experience and express love, connection, or romance.
POWER & POWERLESSNESS
You primarily want to explore power dynamics and play with expressions of dominance and submission.
Spirituality
You primarily want to connect to something bigger through sex.
Validation & Affirmation
You primarily want to be desired or feel your ability to create pleasure in someone else.
Experience
You primarily want sex to open new, interesting, and exciting experiences.
Taboo
You primarily want to indulge in what feels off limits or taboo.
Sensuality
You primarily want to experience the pleasure of your senses and connect to the body.
EASY STEPS TO DESIRE.
A whole new level of self-knowledge.
Take the quiz
Answer honestly—this is about what you want to feel, not what you “should” want.
Get your codes
Most people identify with more than one code—and desires can change over time.
Use results
Turn your desire codes into better communication, better experiments, and better sex.
Invite Partner
Connect your partner with your desire codes so you both connect better.
A TOOL - NOT A BOX.
Use your codes as a starting point for curiosity and communication—not as a rigid label.
Don’t treat types as rules, Codes describe patterns, not destinies.
Don’t assume everyone is identical, People vary within every code.
Don’t replace conversation, Use results to spark real talk.
Keep it consensual, Exploration only works with mutual: YES!
EXPANDS YOUR SEX
Clear language for desire—so it’s easier to ask, easier to give, and easier to enjoy.
Clarity
Put words to what turns you on—beyond generic labels.
Confidence
Ask for what you want without feeling awkward or “too much.”
Better sex
Use results as a fast, disarming way to start talking about sex.
Less mismatch
Spot where you align—and where you’ll need translation.
FAQs
First, thank you to the thousands of Americans who opened up to us about the most intimate aspects of your life — we are deeply grateful for your trust, openness, vulnerability, and creativity.
Who did this study?
This research was conducted by an independent research company, Nonfiction Research. This study was a 100% self-funded passion project.
Nonfiction explores the hidden parts of American life through immersive research. Their researchers have sat beside patients in hospitals, inmates in prison, and have interviewed Atlanta rappers while rollerblading. Nonfiction’s findings have been featured by ABC News, Axios, MSNBC, Fox News, and FastCompany. Their work has inspired public service campaigns, a division at Disney, new flavors of Doritos, and a Megan Thee Stallion song.
Read more of Nonfiction’s research here: https://www.nonfiction.co/
How were these codes created?
We arrived at these classifications by asking people a simple question: “Imagine you are going to be intimate with someone new. That person received an index card with notes on how to please you. What would you want written on that card?”
From those answers we looked for patterns in types/modes of sex; looking for patterns in motivations, turn-ons, warmups, dynamics, what they were seeking from the sex, expressions, and techniques. We used those to create archetypes that aimed to expand the sexual menus of Americans.
These types will come in at different levels because people answer the question at different levels — they conceive of “what makes great sex” in different ways. Some people think most about what happens before the sex, others about power dynamics between the partners, and some people focus on a specific collection of techniques. Sex is many different things to different people and we wanted to allow space for that.
What was the methodology?
The research for Desire Codes was conducted from May 2024 to November 2024. It consisted of in-depth interviews with Americans, expert interviews, a long-form qualitative survey, and a nationwide quantitative study.
The nationwide survey was conducted with Americans over the age of 18 and weighted to reflect the US census. This helps us ensure a nationally representative sample across age, ethnicity, geography, gender, sexual orientation, and income. Adhering to standard practices for quantitative representation, Nonfiction collected 1,029 survey responses.
The one-on-one interviews were conducted with the same audience. This qualitative sample was curated to reflect a broad range of gender, ethnicity, sexual orientations, sexual experience, and preferences. Expert interviews included sex therapists, sex workers, celibacy coaches, and online kink community moderators.
How do I figure out my Desire Codes?
Great question. Just take our quiz to get started.
Can I be more than one code?
Yes—most people identify with more than one code, and desires can change over time, partners, and life experience.
When you take our quiz you’ll get a 1 main Desire Code archetype, and 3 Desire Codes sub-archetypes so you can dive in!